Texts From Last Night · Salem's Favorites

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Salem's Favorites Texts:

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.

Fav 23 11861 1631
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(612): View more from Minnesota

If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.

Fav 13 4876 1737
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(937): View more from Ohio

There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

Fav 28 17230 1872
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(904): View more from Florida

I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.

Fav 31 6130 2221
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.

Fav 17 5173 1135
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(269): View more from Michigan

I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.

Fav 23 3707 3725
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(613): View more from Ontario

so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..

Fav 19 4855 1526
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(512): View more from Texas

I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.

Fav 11 5221 1743
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