Texts From Last Night · bkerwin's Favorites

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bkerwin's Favorites Texts:

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(910): View more from North Carolina

A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve

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(248): View more from Michigan

i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.

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(804): View more from Virginia

For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.

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(904): View more from Florida

way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...

(1-904): View more from Florida

I saved lives by not driving this morning

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(513): View more from Ohio

hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"

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