Texts From Last Night · eml5704's Favorites

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eml5704's Favorites Texts:

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(801): View more from Utah

You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows

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(970): View more from Colorado

Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids

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(248): View more from Michigan

Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars

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(804): View more from Virginia

Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting

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(785): View more from Kansas

Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.

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(917): View more from New York City

I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.

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