Texts From Last Night · princess821's Favorites

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princess821's Favorites Texts:

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(203): View more from Connecticut

As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.

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(251): View more from Alabama

Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?

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(239): View more from Florida

they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......

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(847): View more from Illinois

Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.

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(802): View more from Vermont

I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.

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(+61): View more from Australia

She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.

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(585): View more from New York

he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me

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(817): View more from Texas

The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face

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(585): View more from New York

He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.

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(310): View more from California

So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?

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(786): View more from Florida

I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Hoooooo maaaaan

(313): View more from Michigan

Yes?

(248): View more from Michigan

I'm retarded. Again.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal

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(518): View more from New York

In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.

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(954): View more from Florida

I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.

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(334): View more from Alabama

They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.

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(630): View more from Illinois

The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.

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(315): View more from New York

Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.

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(817): View more from Texas

This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"

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(309): View more from Illinois

Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?

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(303): View more from Colorado

He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?

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(302): View more from Delaware

I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.

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(434): View more from Virginia

Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...

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(315): View more from New York

My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...

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(850): View more from Florida

some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game

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(661): View more from California

new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.

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(260): View more from Indiana

Vodka is such a love hate relationship.

(661): View more from California

Truer words have never been spoken.

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(205): View more from Alabama

i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you

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(334): View more from Alabama

This hangover is way worse than all my relationships

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook

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(404): View more from Georgia

I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.

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(816): View more from Missouri

you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.

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(905): View more from Toronto

I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??

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(410): View more from Maryland

He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.

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(214): View more from Texas

i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.

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(515): View more from Iowa

once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI

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(908): View more from New Jersey

he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her

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(503): View more from Oregon

He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning

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(778): View more from British Columbia

yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...

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(985): View more from Louisiana

Everytime we come here you have an ex here.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me

(617): View more from Massachusetts

What? You're not speaking real words.

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(619): View more from California

I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case

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(214): View more from Texas

dude. I'm so drunk.

(972): View more from Texas

pete, this is bryce's mom

(214): View more from Texas

I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

(972): View more from Texas

pete, this is still bryce's mom

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(906): View more from Michigan

I seriously wish I was FB friends with her

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(816): View more from Missouri

He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.

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(330): View more from Ohio

im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes

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(519): View more from Ontario

I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.

(519): View more from Ontario

She did the bend and snap...

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(434): View more from Virginia

NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.

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(661): View more from California

this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.

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(352): View more from Florida

I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.

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(925): View more from California

It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

have you facebook stalked him yet?

(1-803): View more from South Carolina

No, I don’t know his last name...

(803): View more from South Carolina

Just google his license plate numb

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(913): View more from Kansas

Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.

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(614): View more from Ohio

We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.

(1-614): View more from Ohio

I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!

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(630): View more from Illinois

i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later

(410): View more from Maryland

I knew I liked you

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(504): View more from Louisiana

She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.

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(734): View more from Michigan

smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne

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(312): View more from Illinois

My room smells like vodka and shame

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(720): View more from Colorado

So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.

(970): View more from Colorado

well, dont

(720): View more from Colorado

I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.

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(313): View more from Michigan

I wish I could punch you in the face.

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(512): View more from Texas

Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time

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(228): View more from Mississippi

yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations

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(214): View more from Texas

Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.

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(985): View more from Louisiana

for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now

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(631): View more from New York

all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.

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(208): View more from Idaho

She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie

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(973): View more from New Jersey

i dont even know how to be here

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(432): View more from Texas

So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?

(207): View more from Maine

You need to stop watching Twilight.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Quick, to the slutcave!

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester

(1-508): View more from Massachusetts

Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B

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(214): View more from Texas

I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me

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(425): View more from Washington

So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...

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(949): View more from California

I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage

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(303): View more from Colorado

if i can run in heels then i can drive

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Yeah, where have you been?

(407): View more from Florida

Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.

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(248): View more from Michigan

She was lying the whole time!

(310): View more from California

She was a great actress

(248): View more from Michigan

I was a great dumbass

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(917): View more from New York City

his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.

(1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

who'd you have sex with.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Remember that time you hooked up with him?

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(716): View more from New York

who do you think you are?

(407): View more from Florida

someone who doesn't ask that question

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(618): View more from Illinois

So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

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(586): View more from Michigan

You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too

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(770): View more from Georgia

We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.

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(207): View more from Maine

i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

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(818): View more from California

im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.

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(541): View more from Oregon

What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?

(503): View more from Oregon

3some

(541): View more from Oregon

You're right, stupid question.

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(248): View more from Michigan

today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much

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(630): View more from Illinois

She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Just be blunt and say drink from my dick

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(714): View more from California

Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.

(713): View more from Texas

what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.

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(727): View more from Florida

but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something

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(773): View more from Illinois

Taylor Swift is so right about you.

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(813): View more from Florida

running late. just ran over a dude on a bike

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(859): View more from Kentucky

let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs

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(801): View more from Utah

I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high

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(703): View more from Virginia

I can feel you judging me through the phone.

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(631): View more from New York

It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.

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(561): View more from Florida

I can't believe he would be such an ass

(1-561): View more from Florida

Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.

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(571): View more from Virginia

I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later

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(604): View more from British Columbia

mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.

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(360): View more from Washington

I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room

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(203): View more from Connecticut

We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?

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(970): View more from Colorado

I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.

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(850): View more from Florida

Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here

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(404): View more from Georgia

FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night

(1-404): View more from Georgia

haha good one..how did you even know?

(404): View more from Georgia

we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.

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(585): View more from New York

ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried

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(961): View more from

I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit

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(210): View more from Texas

happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.

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(772): View more from Florida

bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls

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(681): View more from West Virginia

Where are I am going home with Ryan

(601): View more from Mississippi

I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it

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(818): View more from California

Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.

(1-818): View more from California

Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...

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(410): View more from Maryland

He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.

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(214): View more from Texas

I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.

(1-214): View more from Texas

that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary

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(949): View more from California

Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way

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(949): View more from California

just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL

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(404): View more from Georgia

last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.

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(713): View more from Texas

I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

(512): View more from Texas

babe, don't say it like that!

(713): View more from Texas

I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him

(608): View more from Wisconsin

Just another sign I need to get out of this town

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class

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(419): View more from Ohio

Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir

(952): View more from Minnesota

details?

(920): View more from Wisconsin

alcohol + bed + penis = sex

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(614): View more from Ohio

Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.

(1-614): View more from Ohio

Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.

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(518): View more from New York

you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"

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(651): View more from Minnesota

if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?

(408): View more from California

oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.

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(207): View more from Maine

I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.

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(607): View more from New York

i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.

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(512): View more from Texas

This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.

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(303): View more from Colorado

No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.

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(563): View more from Iowa

My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.

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(248): View more from Michigan

so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?

(248): View more from Michigan

oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.

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(905): View more from Toronto

I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.

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(941): View more from Florida

i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that

(850): View more from Florida

im pretty sure thats an 11

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.

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(214): View more from Texas

does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??

(817): View more from Texas

dude, everything can mix, this is college.

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(762): View more from Georgia

Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.

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(440): View more from Ohio

We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party

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(361): View more from Texas

I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.

(1-361): View more from Texas

Def the best call fo sho

(361): View more from Texas

That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!

(1-270): View more from Kentucky

Hahahaha

(270): View more from Kentucky

make that 40.

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(817): View more from Texas

Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.

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(443): View more from Maryland

party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

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(713): View more from Texas

Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.

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(313): View more from Michigan

You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.

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(229): View more from Georgia

my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore

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(410): View more from Maryland

i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv

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(734): View more from Michigan

I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka

(231): View more from Michigan

the cocktail of hope

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(909): View more from California

why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?

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(207): View more from Maine

We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.

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(989): View more from Michigan

no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".

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(847): View more from Illinois

I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Let's make jello shots for tomorrow

(1-913): View more from Kansas

What's going on tomorrow?

(913): View more from Kansas

Nothing, it's Wednesday

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?

(206): View more from Washington

Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days

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(509): View more from Washington

Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though

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(859): View more from Kentucky

What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?

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