Texts From Last Night · zire105's Favorites

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zire105's Favorites Texts:

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(216): View more from Ohio

I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.

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(845): View more from New York

Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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(304): View more from West Virginia

He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.

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(352): View more from Florida

i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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(201): View more from New Jersey

there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen

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(512): View more from Texas

I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.

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