My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
