I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
