I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
