I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
