dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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