bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
