If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
