I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
