so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
