it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
