So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize