I am puke
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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