ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
