i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
