ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
