It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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