I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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