Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
