Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
