ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm always down for nudity.
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