I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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