it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
