I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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