Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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