Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
