I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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