I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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