I want to walk on stilts...naked
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
