Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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