:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize