I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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