Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
