He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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