Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
