oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
