Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Someone signed my nipple.
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