But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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