It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Randomize
