It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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