I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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