Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
