The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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