I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
