I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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