we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
love makes seman taste better
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
