I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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