You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
