It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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