There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
