at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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