I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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