i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
