I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Fuck appropriateness.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
