I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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