We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
