She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
