I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
