My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
