He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
