sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
