i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
