why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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